I hate crying! I just do.
I'm not that much of a crying person, It's just that my emotions are tied with my tears lol. So, If I'm happy, I cry of hapinnes, and If I'm angry, I cry my heart out of rage, and etc... I try to control It, but sometimes Is just too much to handle. And I hate It. Just because I have alergies, and when u do, It's not cool at all. It gets hard to breathe 'cause of the tears, a real mess...
I spent so many times comin' here and trying to update this blog, 'cause sometimes It feels good to get things out of your mind u know? But I never had anything to say, and If I did, I didn't know how to put It In words, so...u get the Idea. But now, well, now I do have what to say...
For the first time In my life I got to know what It feels to be overwhelmed. Not complaining, Is just that so many things came at the same time, and then I got to think, (u know when u think too much, nothing good comes out of It lol) so, I let my mind travel far far away...When I realized, I was feeling emotional and everything was like "BOOM". Is just the self - pressure of get something like a nice job In the area I majored, and stuff like that, the pressure to live in a expensive city, and seeing that life Is so hard for some people... But I believe all things happens for a reason, so I'm not worried, actually I'm happy... Many oportunities coming about some projects and I feel like God knows what he's doin'. If I was working right now It would be Impossible to get some things done, In a funny way I'm kinda glad of that. But suddenly, I felt scared, 'cause everything Is so new to me...Everything new In life scares a bit...and I felt kind of alone, not totally but, just like having to think fast, and get things working out somehow. I'm used to this, I am like this, I don't like to wait for people, I like to get things done, but even so...It was crazy. I felt happy, but at the same time really nervous, and scared In a good way...sort of lol
I actually can finally understand 2 parts of 2 songs I love:
1st one: "I've been alright up 'til now, It's the light of the day that shows me how, but when the night falls, my lonely heart calls..."
yeah...In the light of the day u get so busy and stuff, that u don't have time to think about certain things, but when the night comes...Your life starts to show Itself to u, like In some movie...And u start the thinking, and It's never good...I don't like to show my trueself to people when It comes to this, like Lex Luthor In Smallville said: when u feel too sentimental, Is a sign of vulnerability, and this Is bad...people can use It against u, or It can haunt u and bite u in the arse, so...sometimes, Is nice to keep things to yourself...And I never admit this to anyone, but sometimes I get lonely, Is like missing something...I know: this was my choice, to have some priorities and matters of the heart are on my bottom list, like I said, I need to feel good with myself and be In a good place with my life to think about someone else, but like Love Spit Love's song "How Soon is Now" says: "I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does..." In my case I would change the words..."I am human and I feel just like everybody else does"...Like I said: not that desperate...LOL
I am actually starting to feel better as I write things: 1: 'cause no one else reads (If someone does, sorry, but I don't care) 2: 'cause Is nice to get this out of my chest and finally talk about It without feeling anything but relief.
Back to the song thing.. the other one is from Cheryl Cole, "Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night, you are your own worst enemy you'll never win a fight..." That Is SO TRUE.
At night we start wonder, questioning ourselves, if we are capable, loved, wanted, smart and so many things...but we gotta believe: yes we can, yes we are capable, we are loved, wanted, smart and many other things...We just gotta be strong and don't let these things get into our heads...Get things out of your chest It's a great way to battle this, and win. Actually, this Is my new mantra lol...I'll remember this part of the song every time I start thinking too much ^^
One thing for sure: I'm a mess when It comes to love life and stuff...I guess that's why I run so much from people...gotta stop doin' that...LOL like...for real. But the thing Is...In a world like ours, sorry folks out there, but I can't be like folks are these days...I'm not that old, just 24 years old, but I believe that If someone REALLY wants someone, they just GO FOR IT. Simple like that. People ask me things about this, and I gotta say: So sorry, but I don't have to pursuit anyone, or be like all needy and cheesy, and etc, just because men are gettin' lazy. That's some random thing that just popped out of my mind, and I always wanted to say it out loud: If u want, U go after It...If Is not easy, but u truly want this with all your heart, You will FIGHT for It...again, like Cheryl says "u gotta Fight for this love, If Is worth havin', Is worth fighting for"... so yeah, I'm 24 years old, I'm happy with my life, just confused as anyone would be at my age and trying to figure out life Itself, but I can handle... I'm single, I'm cool with that 'cause I think that woman who tries too hard...well, Is just sad...I'm dancing my arse off 'cause It makes me happy, I have some amazing friends that I love with all my heart, I'm In the process of healing some old feelings (with standing ovation...sometimes It threatens to come back, but I'm a figther o/) and I'm trying to figure out what the heck I wanna in my life, fighting for build a good career and well...I guess If It wasn't that hard, life wouldn't be fun and cool...It would be boring).
And that's really funny: when we make plans, God laughs...another song so real...this one Is from Delta Goodrem, "God Laughs"... We really think we can make plans for ous lives, the God comes and gives us some surprises... Is always like that, but we never learn, so we suffer 'cause we feel sad for not making our plans happen, and forget to see that God made plans way better for us. If we learn to see things like that, all the sufferin' goes away!
By the way, I'm really excited...In about 2 weeks one more dream will come true: to meet my lovely actors from TVD (I'm really excited for that) since I'm addicted to TV Shows, my dream Is to work with that someday and I love everything about this world, this Is a really cool thing for me... I rather meet them than meet bands and singers...for real *_*
This year has been great to me, many opportunities for making my dreams come true. It started In Disney and I wonder "what's next?" I have NO Idea, and I'm really excited to find out...
